because i don't understand my own feeling.

i don't know why those things happened. i don't know why i did things i've done. Now i feel a little lost, a little confuse.
I don't know why and i don't understand.
I just can pray.

Being the one to walk away is always misunderstood. Many think its easy to leave someone who meant the world to them when its actually just as hurtful as being left. Its just sad to know that certain people will hate you for being a strong person. -Jane Samanta, poem porn

they think we have no feeling.

We always give in. Relent, for other's wish not because we don't care at all. It's because we care. We care too much. And people might think we always okay with anything. But the truth is, we can be hurt even by a small matter. Like, they ask you to choose and you pick one, but then they ended picking the other one.

We feel hurt easily. But we just don't show it.

And they think we have no feeling.

 

friendship.

years ago, when i was 8, i had these friends. friends who always with me in school, 'besties' we can say. we were closed, we were happy and we had fun together, since we were 7. we were top in class, i mean we always got higher marks among classmates in every subject. sometime i think that was the reason why we were in group together. one day, one of us got lower mark in one subject. i still remember we did a very unreasonable thing, that day. we kick her out from the group. to make it short, yes, we just unfriended a friend. best friend- for that stupid reason. for almost a year, we didn't talked to her, and i see how hurt she was. how disappointed she was to had friends like us. in the end of the year, unexpectedly, she came to me for she knew that i was about moving to new school next year. she came to me, smiling and apologized for every mistakes she did.i remember seeing how hard she held her tears from coming out, with her beautiful smile. that day we hug, and we said goodbye . that was the last time i saw her. now, i wonder where she is, after 16 years. i bet she must be someone's best friend. -how lucky that friend having a loyal good friend by her side.

after the bad thing we did to her, she was just so strong forgiving us. she taught me something about friendship. loyalty and obviously, FORGIVENESS.


it never that easy to forgive a friend than an enemy, especially when we are hurt by disappointment, because we thought the friendship that live for years are strong enough for us to trust each other and to stay together. but unfortunately, it is wrong. i was wrong.  it dies easily- just like that.

but maybe, someday .. i could be as strong as her to forgive. or.. to smile and say sorry.

Pedas. Pahit. End this please.